Molly Ruland:

Alright. Alright. Alright. We’re coming in hot. Welcome to another episode of Cam Content. Always excited for our guests, but extra excited today because we have Connell Barrett. And if you are not familiar, I don’t know how you could not be, but he is a, at 10 years as a dating coach. So, Connell, we produce this podcast, and it’s one of our favorite shows to edit, listen in on, and be a part of because there’s a lot of good information in there.

Molly Ruland:

But Connell has transformed the lives of thousands of men across 21 countries, guiding them to find true love. His mission is simple and powerful. Cool. He helps introverts and nice guys gain the confidence they need to make genuine connections with women and discover their soulmates, all while embracing Radical authenticity. No toxic pickup tricks required. So he is also the author of the Amazon best selling, Dating Sucks, But You Don’t, which I love the title, and he has also been recognized by publications like Men’s Health and Playboy. Gang gang. He shared his insights and experience on TV shows such as Good Morning America and Access Hollywood.

Molly Ruland:

Psychology Today even hailed him as America’s most innovative dating coach, which is, I mean, super impressive. So without further ado, let’s jump right in. Welcome to Cam content, Connell. Thanks for coming on the show.

 Connell Barrett:

Thanks for having me, Molly. Can we just make the whole show you reading my resume and then

Matt Billman:

was about to say she even forgot a part because he does go by the real life hitch as well.

Molly Ruland:

Oh, man. Duo. No. No. There’s

 Connell Barrett:

no mulligans. No mulligans allowed.

Matt Billman:

Nice nice

 Connell Barrett:

to see you both. Thanks for having me.

Molly Ruland:

Hey. Thanks for being here. We’re you know, we we I’m not exaggerating. You really are our favorite podcast. Like, we learn a lot, you know, like, because our clients are literally, like some of them are talking about, like, China and Iran and, like, I mean, we run the gamut in, like, the content. But, like, yours is definitely the most interesting to listen in on or, like, run the session or edit. And and the guys you used to talk all the time how they would implement some of

Matt Billman:

your tips. And I was even gonna say sorry. After last week’s, I think, interview with Melanie, I was meant to message you, Molly. I’d say Connell’s top 2 in terms of just Pure good interviewers that we’ve had as clients. I would say him and Terry Schultz, but shout out to her because she’s a journalist for NATO and lives over in Belgium. So that’s literally her job.

 Connell Barrett:

Wow. That’s high praise. Thank you very much.

Matt Billman:

It’s good.

 Connell Barrett:

And, there’s just something about dating whether you’re single, married, whatever your status is. It’s just an inherently interesting topic. What attracts people gets them together, so it’s fun to eavesdrop on any dating conversation.

Molly Ruland:

Absolutely. There we go. And you have a lot of good guests, and just your solo podcast is really informative, so it’s always a good time. So, How did you, you know, not get too deep in the origin story, but how do you know, 10 years ago, you started this thing, so how did you get into this zone? Was it your own journey that led you there? Or, you know, how’d you end up here?

 Connell Barrett:

I was terrible at dating. I had no confidence. I Barely had a girlfriend well into my thirties. The 1 woman who liked me, I married her even though I didn’t want to. But I thought, well, it’s either marry her or be alone, and then she dumped me 9 weeks after our wedding.

Molly Ruland:

Oh. Yeah.

 Connell Barrett:

The joke at the time was, it was over so fast that we fought for custody of the wedding cake.

Molly Ruland:

Oh my god.

 Connell Barrett:

Just a 9 week marriage. It was joking through the pain. But, anyway, after that relationship ended and a couple other roadblocks, I said, you know what? I just need help. I don’t wanna feel lonely. I don’t wanna feel limited. And so I went off on this 5 year journey to figure out how to gain confidence, how to flirt, just to find out if I was enough, find out if women liked me or not. And once I realized what worked and what didn’t, I then said, oh, this is great. I love doing this.

 Connell Barrett:

There’s some really great benefits to this besides romance. And I also saw what didn’t work with the kind of toxic pickup guys who are out there because I worked with some of them too and sort of learned what not to do. And then I said, oh, I wanna teach this. This is a great thing to teach, and you don’t have to be a creepy, weird pickup guy to approach a woman or to learn to flirt. You can actually be very much authentic, very much yourself. So that’s how I got into it. I did not set off to be a dating coach. I set off just to heal my wounds and not have to settle or feel like I had very few options.

 Connell Barrett:

And so I now basically coach men who are like that. Basically, I coach my younger self. Nice guys, introverts, guys whose whole lives are pretty much together, Except they just never learned how to talk to women or how to feel confident. So that’s why I do it because I wanna help the younger me in a sense.

Molly Ruland:

Yeah. And he just kinda I really do. Yeah. I really do.

Matt Billman:

He just kinda goes through and just hits everything. I mean, I know this because I can say I am the guy that’s listened to every single dating transformation podcast.

 Connell Barrett:

You poor thing. I have to, but I also want to,

Matt Billman:

and I enjoy it. But it’s it’s it’s good because it goes through everything, and, you know, he goes from, like, the solo pods. Like, right now, if you go and listen to it, if you listen to this, he’s currently releasing 2 back to back episodes on dating sober, and just not having to go out and get wasted to be able to talk to people because that gives you confidence. But it’s got everything from sex coaches to actual clients that would kinda hide their identity and go from there. And but, you know, I’ve heard about a 1000000 stories, of successful clients, out at night because Connor will go to the bar with these people, these men, and tell him I’ll ask them, hey. Who do you think the most attractive girl in here is? And they’ll point him out and just like, alright. Like, go try this. But For those who haven’t listened yet, can you give a good, like, maybe 1 or 2 good successful stories from a client on a night out or anything?

 Connell Barrett:

Right. Well, you were talking about The karaoke opener, Matt.

Matt Billman:

Yeah. Yeah. The purple rainbow. Right?

 Connell Barrett:

Yeah. I’ll take a client out. I was out with a client once, and we just looked around the rooftop bar at this bar in downtown Manhattan at a hotel lounge. And I said, alright. Who here are you most intrigued by what woman stands out to you. And he looked around the room and said, oh, oh, that woman in the silver dress, that brunette woman. And I said, okay. Great.

 Connell Barrett:

What is your favorite karaoke song? And he said, oh, Purple Rain. And I said, cool.

Matt Billman:

I want you to walk up

 Connell Barrett:

to her and sing the first two lines of Purple Rain as if it’s karaoke night, and you and she are sharing the microphone. And he looked at me like I was the devil. Like, what? You want me to do what? But he was laughing as he said it. He got it. He realized that, okay, the idea here is not to walk up to a woman and hit on her and try to take something from her. The idea is to walk up and give her something, give her something to smile about, something to laugh about, in this case, something to entertain her on a Friday night in New York City. So he walks over and he commits to it and just, you know, lays it out, you know. I don’t know why I’m singing like Elvis for some reason.

 Connell Barrett:

That was me doing Elvis doing prints. But he walked up, and she just broke out laughing. She thought it was hilarious because he wasn’t walking up trying to take something from her. He was walking up trying to give her something. He’s trying to be generous and have a fun moment with her. And next thing you knew, she was singing the song with him as if they were doing a duet on karaoke night. You have 2 random strangers singing Purple Rain acapella as a duet. And if you can do that, not that you need to do that, but if you can do that, you can walk up to anyone anywhere and put your real best self out there.

 Connell Barrett:

And, it’s about authenticity and also just taking some risks. You have to take some romantic risks in dating if you want to have some good connections. So that’s a favorite story of mine. And, I’ve done it myself. I’ve done the karaoke opener, so I try to practice what I preach.

Molly Ruland:

You know, I really love what you said about, like, not taking something from a woman because there’s definitely, I think, you know, there’s a lot of bad flirting, and it usually revolves around how you look or your body or something. It’s like it’s not a karaoke opener. It’s like some, like, objectifying comment, and a lot of guys don’t even realize how off putting that is. And so Mhmm. I like how, like, you’re, like, a dating coach in this meet, you know, hashtag me too kind of, you know, movement and and really navigating that space. So, I know you talk about that a lot in your book, but how has that changed in your coaching at all? You know, how do you kinda navigate that space? Because I would if somebody came up to me and started singing to me, I would be super entertained by that. I would love it too. It’s so much, it would make me uncomfortable, you know, because they’re being vulnerable.

Molly Ruland:

They’re not immediately expecting me to be vulnerable. Right? Like, I don’t even know you. You know what I mean? I don’t, don’t you know? And to me, this happens more in dating apps. Right? Because it’s the straight go to is, like, something uncomfortable versus, you know, where it’s like, now a response is expected from me. So how do you kinda navigate that? Because I would imagine for a lot of men, it’s probably really intimidating because they don’t wanna say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing.

 Connell Barrett:

Yes. I love the karaoke opener. Well, I love any, any opening line quote unquote it that makes you be yourself. It takes you out of a mindset of how do I get what I want from her, which is an understandable, but counter counterproductive mindset. And it makes you say, how can I express myself or be a great awesome version of myself? So that’s why we do the karaoke opener. And to your point about the Me too era and bad and good quote unquote ways to break the ice with a woman if you’re a single man. There’s a lot of bad advice out there, like, be sexual, or or, be, you know, say something, say something, audacious or polarizing. And it’s okay to say something polarizing, but you don’t ever wanna be too sexual too soon on the open, Basically, you don’t wanna be, you know, all sexy time like Borat,

Molly Ruland:

for a while. Yeah.

Matt Billman:

Yeah.

 Connell Barrett:

You don’t wanna be that guy. You can’t, you wanna be the number one superpower that men can access, that most men aren’t, but the most Game changing superpower other than your authentic personality is fun and playfulness. Everybody wants to have fun and play or feel good emotions when they go out for a night. Some women are open to flirting, and some women are open to a little bit of Risque flirting, but not in the 1st 60 seconds and maybe not at all that evening. So my advice to guys when I work with them is I say, hey. Let’s just play. Everybody loves to play. You know, we all love to have fun.

 Connell Barrett:

To quote the great 19 eighties Philosopher, Cyndi Lauper. Girls just wanna have fun. And yeah. So bring the fun, bring the playfulness at night. What the karaoke opener is for. But if it’s in the daytime, you’re gonna change your approach. You’re not gonna walk up to a woman at Starbucks at noon and start singing Prince, probably be a little bit miscalibrated. But you can still make it light and playful.

 Connell Barrett:

Maybe you’re standing in line at the Starbucks, and you look to your left, and there’s an intriguing, attractive woman. You’re not gonna sing prince, But you might look at her and say, what do you think? Should I

Matt Billman:

get a cake pop today,

 Connell Barrett:

or should I get a brownie? What do you think? I’m putting my nutritional, nutritional, fate in your hands. And that’s very light. It’s and it also makes sense in the context. You’re asking if you’re talking about coffee or brownies or cookies at a coffee shop. That makes total sense. And that’s a small way to bring her into a conversation with you. So you can get all sexy time on maybe the 1st or 2nd date later. Those 1st few minutes, those first few seconds, just keep it light, keep it playful, and women love that.

Matt Billman:

I mean I kinda wanna go back to the one thing you said, practice what you preach. And I don’t think anybody’s asked you this on your show before, but, you know, you are in a relationship now. I’m sure when you started coaching, you were single. Right? Has there been a change? And maybe I don’t wanna say you got rusty now that you’re in a relationship, but you can’t really go out and be like, you know, I want to try this one of my clients. I’m gonna go out myself and try this at a bar, you know, because you’re not gonna just hit on women now that you got a girlfriend just to practice for your profession. You know what I mean? But is there not not not just saying you got a little rusty practicing what But has there been, like, a little slight change in the way you do things?

 Connell Barrett:

Great question. No. There hasn’t because the art of a good let’s just stick with the approach. The 1st moment a man says hello to a woman who he has not yet met. The idea of approaching, it’s about, a committed, Again, value offering energy, where you’re just looking to have a social conversation in a light, playful way. That’s attractive to many women even if it’s not flirtatious. So I will walk up to a woman in front of my clients as a demonstration, and I might start off with a genuine question or something playful, something light, and I’ll commit to it. I want them to see how Easy it is once you understand the art of walking up to somebody and committing to it, but being free from an outcome or not needing it to go well. Part of the art of a really good approach is, hey, I’m here to talk to you.

 Connell Barrett:

I’m here to chat, but I don’t I don’t need this to go well. There’s a freedom from outcome that feels really good to the other person. In other words, a lack of agenda. There’s no agenda other than I want to chat with you and hopefully make your night a little bit better than before you met me. There’s absolutely nothing else I want from you other than a short interaction. And so I don’t need to be single to bring that energy to an approach. In fact, I’ve approached women with my girlfriend right there with her consent because she comes out and she plays wing woman for my clients and me when we go out in the city, and she understands what this is about. Mhmm.

 Connell Barrett:

And now she knows I’m not hitting on Girls, I’m just starting a social conversation and You’re just working. Fun place. Exactly. Just working. Just working. And then and then I’ll take the woman I’m talking to, and I’ll say, oh, hey. Meet my client, Barry. Sorry.

 Connell Barrett:

I won’t say client. Meet and meet my friend, Barry. I won’t say client. Meet my friend, Barry. You should talk to this guy. He’s a pilot. Tell her the story you told me, Barry, about the time you crash landed that plane when the engine caught fire and I’ll tee him up to engage her, and then I’ve done my job as

Matt Billman:

the wingman. But landed in that sketchy airport to save all those orphan kids and take them to school. Yeah. All that yeah. Yeah. Come on.

 Connell Barrett:

Right.

Molly Ruland:

Yeah.

 Connell Barrett:

Abs no. As good as I am at my job and I’m proud, very proud about what I do and how I do it, I’m still a straight dude walking up to a woman at a bar. And my beautiful, feminine, pretty, smart, intelligent, wonderful girlfriend, she’s way better at getting a woman to pay attention than I am with him. Because as you know, Molly, women are gonna trust each other immediately faster than they would a random guy. So As good as I am at what I do, when my girlfriend comes out and plays wingwoman for us, she’s like a hot knife through butter. She can walk up and have my client talking to 3 women because he gets that sign off of the wing woman, so it’s really powerful.

Molly Ruland:

It makes a difference, for sure. So let’s talk a little bit about content, because you have done a lot. You’ve been on television shows. You’ve got 2 different books out. You’ve got a podcast that you’ve been really consistent with. You’ve done interview podcasts. You’ve done solo podcasts. So let’s talk about how all of this content creation is impacting your business? Like, how are your Clients finding it finding you?

Molly Ruland:

Was it from these avenues primarily?

Matt Billman:

Yeah.

 Connell Barrett:

A lot of people find me from my website, which has a lot of content on it, videos and otherwise. The podcast has been fantastic. I love hearing when a guy heard me on the podcast and said, oh, I really like what you said about authenticity or that episode you did talking about mindset and confidence, and I just you know, I could really feel like I I know you. That’s why part of the reason why I launched the podcast with your great team’s help, Molly, is because I wanted to give A man, the 2nd best experience next to working with me directly, to feel like he was talking to me 1 on 1. I am a podcast addict as a consumer. There are some podcasts that helped get me through the pandemic where the only people I was talking to And or connecting to in my mind were some podcast episode or podcasts that I loved, the Beatles podcast that I love, and some nerdy movie podcasts. So the value that I try to bring to the table with the Dating Transformation Podcast is knowing that there might be a guy out there who’s lonely or who just doesn’t know what to believe in terms of dating techniques. He’s Confused.

 Connell Barrett:

There’s 1,000,000 YouTube gurus who claim to know what they’re talking about. Most of them are off base to an extent. Or he just wants a big brother type, a wingman to say, hey. Here’s what you do. Here’s how you talk To a woman on a 1st date, here’s how you go for that 1st kiss. Here’s what you don’t do. Don’t be sexual too soon. So I just love that Not everybody’s gonna be able to work with me, obviously, as a client with me as their coach.

 Connell Barrett:

So the podcast is the 2nd best thing. It’s 1 on it hopefully feels really 1 on 1 to that given guy. Every week, I’m trying to talk to him like there’s 1 guy out there. I’m talking to that younger, introverted, nice guy, younger version of me, I mean, who just has a lot to offer, but Doesn’t know how to channel it and hasn’t and just needs that confidence boost and some clarity. So, that is the kind of guy who finds me. And, hopefully, even if he doesn’t find me and ever works with me, hopefully, he’s getting some life changing help on the pod. Thanks in part to your guys’ efforts.

Molly Ruland:

That’s amazing. Well and, you know, well and backstory for people who haven’t listened to your podcast, you were doing interviews first, and now You’re doing some interviews, but you’re doing shorter biweekly, solo podcasts, which I think is really brilliant. I think we’re at a space now in the podcast world where it’s like, If you’re if you have a branded podcast for business development purposes, there’s 2 options. There’s the interview podcast, or there’s the 10 minute or less, you know, solo podcasts where you just crank them out, and it’s more volume than it is length. And I think that, you know, you’re doing both successfully, and it and it’s really working, but that consistency is super key for sure. But I wanna ask you about it, you said that most people find you from your website, and I know that, you know, you have a large team of vendors. You have website people. You got podcast people.

Molly Ruland:

Now, can you give us a little bit more on that? Because I’ve you know, how are people getting your website? How are you driving them there?

 Connell Barrett:

I have a really great SEO team. And early on when I launched my business, I found some smart SEO people. And They said, hey, let’s get your website ranking for some keywords so that men who need dating help, who are searching for quote unquote dating coach or quote unquote dating advice for men. All these different terms can find you. And that was really great advice because that’s how still a majority of my clients find me if they’re searching for a dating coach or dating help or what to say on Tinder or how to get a girlfriend, and then they find my website. And then oftentimes, they listen to my podcast. And the podcast is that second that second, touchpoint that they need to get a sense of knowing me and liking me before they might hire me or read my book. And so the SEO search term was a big war and continues to be a big driver of clients and my audience.

 Connell Barrett:

And I’m happy to say that my book, I would not have gotten my Book deal had I not had my website and SEO dialed in because the editor with Simon and Schuster who found me, found my website because she searched for a dating coach in New York City, and I came up. So that was a great email to get one day a few years ago from Simon and Schuster saying, hey. Do you wanna write a book? Yeah. It’s the rare exception to spam. It’s like, woah. Yes. I’d love to write a book. So SEO has helped me a lot.

 Connell Barrett:

And also the SEO the SEO mojo and juice that I get from doing a biweekly podcast that’s all this content is going on my website, all these SEO terms that keep me ranking and relevant. It’s just this really wonderful upward spiral of content, and it’s only gonna get Bigger and better. I was just actually before this conversation, I was just talking to a marketing advisor I have, and we were talking about some podcast related ideas and guests to shoot for. So I’m going to continue to do my solo pod every week. At the same time, I’m going to keep bringing on really great guests who have something of value to offer my listener and also have great relationships, I hope.

Molly Ruland:

Yeah. That’s amazing. You know, I’m glad that you talked about SEO with the podcast because I feel that podcasts are just a Trojan horse of SEO content, and it’s almost always overlooked. Right? And so, it’s kinda like the chat g p t problem where people are really focused on adjectives and describing themselves and their own show, and they put a few links, and they completely miss out on the fact that, like, a podcast, Right? You know, all that metadata, right, the stuff that goes on YouTube, the stuff that’s going on the, you know, description, that’s all just an opportunity to cram a bunch of keywords in to, you know, as many as you possibly can without sounding like a robot or, you know, a ridiculous person, and lean away from the adjectives because all of that’s going on YouTube, 2nd Largest search engine in the world. That’s going on your website. It’s getting crawled by Google, so it’s seeing those keywords. It’s answering specific questions that people are asking right now. And I think you’ve done a really great job of that, and I’m sure it’s, you know, from working with the SEO team before you started podcasting, but, I think it’s a huge value that’s really often overlooked by so many people.

Molly Ruland:

I mean, if you look at the average podcast for a business And then you look at their website, they’re linking out to Buzzsprout. They’re not putting the descriptions. They’re missing out on all that SEO data, so I think it’s important to mention that, like, in, conjunction with the SEO work you’re doing on the website and then always putting up fresh content, I would imagine that’s keeping a steady stream of traffic to your website, you know, with that base work already done, of course.

 Connell Barrett:

Right. No. Those are all really good points. The biggest thing that I’m focusing on now is consistency, which is Super important as you know more than anyone, and I’ve learned how important consistency is. I have been inconsistent at times in other areas of content over the years, I feel really good about the podcast consistency I’ve done. Again, thanks in large part to how easy, A hard cast makes it, which is incredibly easy, and I really appreciate that. And you’re welcome. No.

 Connell Barrett:

I mean that. I mean that. And I think, If I could give 1 tip to the person listening to this, I would about how do I stay consistent and, make content a really powerful tool to get to grow your business is to try to find ways that make this enjoyable to you, make it feel really good to you, and whatever that means to you. For example, the reason I love doing podcasts, as you might’ve noticed, is I love to talk. 25 minutes have gone by quickly because I’m just yammering away. I love to talk and I love to give insight and advice to men, especially. And that feels really good to me. And so I’ve been consistent with it because I enjoy it.

 Connell Barrett:

And similarly, when you’re trying to figure out in your business, how do I create really great content that grows? I think it should start with, What do you enjoy doing? What feels good? What do you like to do? And what will you keep doing? Because if you don’t enjoy it to a large extent, it’s gonna be tough to keep it consistent.

Molly Ruland:

I agree. I think I think you’ve nailed it. You know, we just, we just launched a new client who’s kinda doing a similar thing. She has a podcast about CRM tools. And so her badge recorded a lot of shorter episodes, and then we’re able to make all this content around it. You know, we take a lot of the work off the table for her so she can focus on what she wants to talk about, what she’s enjoying talking about, and then everything else just sort of happens. And so because I think there’s a big misnomer. Right? You know, I was hanging out with a friend this weekend.

Molly Ruland:

She’s like, well, how do I do social media, and how do I do it for 3 months of it? And I’m like, well, hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Like, You know, you can get it’s the shiny object thing. There’s too many people on Instagram, like, oh, hack your growth, do this, do that. It’s, like, well, wait a minute. Consistency is important, so you gotta do something that you actually like and you enjoy, and that’s manageable. Right? Because life happens.

Molly Ruland:

I mean, we’re about to roll into the holidays, right, and everybody thinks they’re gonna do a bunch of work, and then they don’t, and then what are you gonna do over the holidays? You know, that consistency can kinda go away. So, if you like it, it’ll be a lot easier to maintain it. If you look at your social media do list, and you’re like, ah, Jesus. You know? Chances are probably not gonna get done. You know?

 Connell Barrett:

Well, I just created something. I’m revealing this right now for the 1st time to you and Matt. But I just did something for my upcoming relaunched YouTube channel that I’m also going to be doing on the podcast. It’s called, A Dating Coach Rates the Rom Coms, where I watch rom coms and then I take clips of it And I talk about the good or bad dating strategy. I just did Love Actually, and all the things that are wrong in that movie dating strategy wise and also some things that are right, although there’s not very much, and the holiday is coming up. I’m a 40 year old virgin. So I could not wait to create that content because I was loving and enjoying the idea. And

Molly Ruland:

To an extent,

 Connell Barrett:

we’ve all gotta crank out the 7 ways to blah, blah, blah, blah. You know? We have to do that. That’s just part of being a thought leader, a business owner, and a content creator. But I guess I would say to anyone listening, what piece of content would you love to do? Love to do that. It would feel so good to you. Work backwards from there. And if you can find a way to make that enjoyable and at least reasonably valuable to your audience, If you’re gonna enjoy it and it lights you up, you’re gonna do it consistently and regularly. This is basically what I do with my clients.

 Connell Barrett:

I say, how can we get you loving approaching? How do we turn approaching women into something that makes your hands shake and forehead sweat into something that you start to enjoy and feel good about. Because once you start enjoying something, once it feels good, if it also brings value to your business and it feels good, you No one’s gonna stop you. You’re gonna you’re gonna create so much of it. You’re gonna be excited. So, that’s a recent moment I had. So I’m really psyched about reviewing the rom coms through the eyes of a dating coach. That’s good.

Molly Ruland:

I’ll check it out.

Matt Billman:

That’s really good.

 Connell Barrett:

Yeah. And I’ll do it on the pod, but also YouTube as well.

Matt Billman:

Yeah. So last 1 I have, right, this is coming out Tuesday 21st here. So the week of Thanksgiving is when most people go home. Any tips for, you know, the people that go home and just for the week or a couple days and, you know, Wednesday night’s the big night out, see everybody from back home and Any tips along those lines? Do it. Avoid it. Don’t do it.

 Connell Barrett:

Yeah. You’re You you stole my you well, you teed me up nicely, Matt, that Wednesday before Thanksgiving is the busiest night out in bars of the year, they say. It’s right up there with New Year’s Eve if it’s not number 1. So the nice thing about going out during the holidays, if you’re single and looking to mingle, is you don’t have to worry about coming up with some cool, amazing opener icebreaker. You can start with a sort of one size fits all. Hey. What are your big plans for Thanksgiving? Or talk about the holiday. Talk about the topic.

 Connell Barrett:

I think a lot of again, I coach men and a lot of men struggle with, oh, what do I say? What are the right words? What’s the clever, funny thing? Don’t try to be clever. Just ask a question or make a comment that makes sense based on where you are and what’s going on in the world, what’s going on the day before Thanksgiving. Everybody’s talking about Thanksgiving. So you could walk up to somebody at a bar and say, oh, so who do you get in the big game tomorrow, the Lions or the Cowboys? If that’s if you see her wearing, you know, a football jersey. Anyway, don’t basically, don’t overthink the opener. Think what would make sense to ask somebody or say to somebody tonight or today in this context. And then you got a good icebreaker. And then at that point, just, show them your real personality, and, usually good things are gonna happen.

Matt Billman:

Yeah. Or if you’re the person that Goes home and goes to the bar with every single person you grow up with. Just don’t do it. Avoid it.

Molly Ruland:

And don’t ghost people. Right.

 Connell Barrett:

No ghosts allowed. No ghosting allowed. Absolutely.

Molly Ruland:

Not the ghost of Christmas past or New Year or Thanksgiving past or present Is included in that list as well.

 Connell Barrett:

Exactly. No ghosting and dating. Only in Dickens novels.

Molly Ruland:

So, Connell, you’re probably gonna regret this, but you told us that one of your special skills is that you can make up songs on demand. And so I’ve got some keywords for you. Are you ready? I think you should write a song about me being single living on the side of a mountain in Costa Rica with my 3 dogs. That’s good fodder. Right?

 Connell Barrett:

Into wait. So I didn’t know that about you, Molly. So you’re single and living with 3 dogs?

Molly Ruland:

Yep. Me and my 3 dogs next to a volcano. That’s it.

 Connell Barrett:

Okay. So every night is a 3 dog night for you. Exactly. I wanna do

Molly Ruland:

And if this is good, I’ll put it on my Bumble profile and see if it gets me any traction.

 Connell Barrett:

Now I wanna do a 3 dog night, inspired parody song about you. Yes. So my favorite hobby when I’m not working is musical improv, and I perform musical improv and we make up songs about anything in the moment. So that’s why Molly audience, that’s why Molly is saying this as I have a really weird skill, and I can sing or rhyme about almost anything when given the suggestion? So is that what you’re asking me to do to end this episode?

Molly Ruland:

Exactly what I’m asking you to do.

 Connell Barrett:

Okay. So the suggestion is what is it? So give me, like, 1 word or phrase, please.

Molly Ruland:

Oh, 1 word? Yeah.

 Connell Barrett:

It’s like an improv people yell out, you know, mountain or Costa Rica or what have you, and I’ll Volcano. Okay. Here we go. I’m sober now, so that makes it even more challenging, but in a good way. Okay.

Molly Ruland:

Or you can use Costa Rica, whichever one you prefer. Alright.

 Connell Barrett:

Here we go. I’m gonna do a little acapella. See I’ll see if I can get through I’ll see if I can get through 4 lines and the chorus. Okay?

Molly Ruland:

That’s amazing.

 Connell Barrett:

Alright. Well, acapella, here we go. I’ll do a little ch ch, ch, m, ch,

Matt Billman:

I know a woman. Her name is Molly. If you met her, you would say, golly, She is single all by herself. However, there’s a visiting Christmas Help. Actually, there are 3. It’s gonna be a 3 dog night in Costa Rica. A 3 dog night in Costa Rica. Three dog nights in Costa Rica.

Matt Billman:

Yeah.

 Connell Barrett:

Thank you. I think That was amazing. I could just hear everybody clicking unsubscribe right now as I was Singing back.

Molly Ruland:

It’d be a 3 dog night.

 Connell Barrett:

So the last time I ever told anybody about Otis.

Molly Ruland:

Yeah. Like, I’m taking that out of my bio immediately. The hell was I thinking? Well, that’s the first time anybody’s talking about me on the podcast, so that’s a first. But, well, Connell, we were definitely looking forward to this today because we love hanging out with you. Thank you. Always gonna be a good time, even without the improv singing, but that was just extra on top. So, thanks for coming on the show, and listening. If you have been checking out this podcast and you found it interesting, you gotta go to datingtransformation.com and you need to get hooked up with Connell, he’s got discovery calls.

Molly Ruland:

He’s got resources. He’s got a ton of podcasts. Definitely check that out. I know everybody says like, subscribe, comment, but for real, the podcast is really good, and we’re not just saying that because we produced it, we actually really enjoy it. So, give him some love, check him out. And, Connell, do you have anything you’d like to leave our Viresias audience with?

 Connell Barrett:

Well, I just wrote a whole opera in my mind about Matt, and I was gonna sing it, but, maybe we’ll save that for part 2. No. Just thank you both so much for your support and for having me on. Thank you.

Molly Ruland:

Thank you. Thank you. And listen, have a happy holidays